Squiffy
by OnnaMurcielago666
Summary: When Alfred and Arhtur return from drinking, Arthur decides that the moped he's chasing has offended him in some way.  OC involved


**Salut! It's moi again! This is what? My third Hetalia fic? Wow, I'm really productive.**

Austria: Actually, that just means you're putting off studying for your tests this week.

**Eh-heh-heh-heh.. *sweatdrops* *Turns around* SHUT UP AUSTRIA! THEY DON'T NEED TO KNOW THAT!**

Austria: Well then, you study while I give them your disclaimer.

**But-!**

Austria: *firm look* This is your first disclaimer ever. Sit down and let me do it. You'll just mess it up.

**Alright… *studies for her civics test* Jeez, what am I? Italy?**

Austria: *glares* I would like to remind everyone on OnnaMurcielago666's behalf –lazy girl- that she doesn't own any of Hetalia's characters or ideas -thankfully. God save us if she did.

**HEY! I HEARD THAT!**

Austria: She simply owns the plot of this piece and the moped girl. Nothing else; nothing.

**Help! Austria is mean! *cries* If you review and give some concrit, he'll feed me today!**

Austria: Don't tell them stupid things like that! You just cleaned out the kitchen an hour ago!

***runs away* Aaaaa! Mr. Germany! Help me!**

_~Marukaite Chikyuu, Marukaite Chikyuu, Marukaite Chikyuu- Boku Hetalia!~_

_And I thought __**I**__ was the irresponsible one!_ Alfred groaned as the Brit that had draped himself all over the bar sat up and let out a loud moan.

"Alllfreeed," he slurred, "am I Caaaa-thlic orrrr *hic* Pro-test-ant?" He hardly made sense and Alfred leaned in,

"What, dude?"

"I DON'T KNOW!" wailed the nation, and Alfred sighed. "I'M SO CONFUSED!"

Arthur Kirkland was many things; a pirate, a gentleman, a terrible cook- he was good with words, and with magic, but he was not good with alcohol. He was, currently, quite shit-faced and lying on the bar top as Alfred apologized to the barkeeper under his breath.

"I've had worse." The barkeeper said quietly and Alfred raised an eyebrow.

"When, man? When?"

"Your friend came in here with some French guy and a big blonde fellow with an accent once." Alfred was surprised that Francis had gotten Arthur to a bar, considering they hated each other, and was even more surprised that Ivan had been with them. "Drank me out of my entire stock, they did; wine, beer, vodka- they cleaned me out."

"Sounds like them." Alfred nodded, and suddenly a long strip of paper was pressed into his hands. "What's this?"

"Your bill." Growled the barkeep, "After tonight, your buddy o'er there just might get alcohol poisoning. Now pay up and get out; we're closed." Staring at the large amount on the bottom, Alfred quickly raided both their wallets and just met the bill. He stared sorrowfully at the absence of cash in his wallet and wished he had his card so that they didn't have to walk home. England was lying on top of the bar fully now, drooling on the laminated wood, and both the sufficiently sober men grimaced at him.

"Can you help me get him outside?" the American asked, and with a nod the barkeeper hefted Britain up under his armpits and carried him to the door with Alfred's help.

They stood the Brit outside the door, letting him doze against it, and as Alfred was bidding the barkeeper farewell, they heard a loud 'thunk'.

"You might wanna go, mate," the barkeeper chuckled, "or your buddy will wander off." Nodding, Alfred hurried outside to find Britain lying face down on the rainy sidewalk, muttering to himself drunkenly.

"Let's go, Arthur…" Alfred groaned as he heaved the blonde off the pavement and pulled one arm over his shoulder. He had just gotten the United Kingdom onto his feet when the nation weaved and hiccupped, watching a moped speed by.

"YOU WANNA GO? YA SODDING BUZZY BASTARD!" England screeched, waving a fist drunkenly and nearly falling over. "I'LL KNOCK YOUR BLOODY BLOCK OFF!" As the red moped kept driving, Arthur continued to shout accusations at them and wormed out of Alfred's grasp to chase her around the corner. "YOU RUNNING AWAY! THAT'S BLOODY BOLLOCKS! ABSOLUTE RUBBISH!"

"Hey! Wait!" Alfred shouted, chasing the drunk Brit down the sidewalk. The blonde Englishman had a good lead on him and, as he disappeared around the corner, Alfred cursed his luck tonight.

After ten blocks of running, Alfred came around a corner to see Arthur draped over the little red moped, his ankles hooked onto the handlebars and his cheek pressed against the taillight. He was yelling accusations at it that made Alfred's ears go red and, in his embarrassment, he spotted the driver of the bike standing on the sidewalk beside it. She was short, barely 5'5", and her helmet was slung loosely under one arm as she stared at the Brit draped over her vehicle. Alfred jogged up to her, sufficiently winded, and said,

"Oh God, I'm sorry, miss! My friend! He's-"

"Completely, utterly, shamelessly, **sloshed**!" she finished, laughing as Arthur gnawed on the red light. Her accent, undeniably British, was much sweeter than the accent Arthur possessed and seemed a lot more gentle. "I'm actually quite enjoying this! It's bloody brilliant!" All of a sudden, the sky lit up with a bolt of lightning and thunder rocked the city, making Alfred immediately move to shield the young girl on the curb with him. "Well, aren't you a gentlemen, Mr…?"

"Alfred Jones!" proclaimed the American loudly, taking her hand and shaking it broadly. "This is Arthur, Arthur Kirkland!" He and the young lady looked over at Arthur pityingly when he started to cry tearlessly, quivering in the start of the rain. Sighing, Alfred looked around and asked, "D'you know how to get to the Anne? It's a hotel on-"

"The main drag?" she finished again, tilting her hips and wiping the misting rain off her face. "That's a **long** way from here, Alfred Jones."

"Dang…" Alfred groaned, hitting his own forehead with his hand.

"You lot could stay with me if you like." She offered casually, scratching her head. "It's just a flat for little ol' me, but I'm certain we three'll fit just fine."

"Oh no, our friends at the Anne will be looking out for us." Alfred said quickly, holding up his hands in protest. "They'll be worried if we're not back soon!"

"Why not come inside?" she said as the raindrops began to form. It went from a mist, to a drizzle, and all three of them were getting quite wet. "You can always call them. Besides, I doubt you **or** your mate can walk around in this weather." She pointed to the sky and another bolt of lightning made Arthur scramble to his feet and wave his fist at the black clouds overhead. He was standing proudly on her seat now, his clothes a little messy as he bellowed at the storm, barely audible when the thunder

"Ye cursed storm!" Arthur growled, "I'll cut yer throat and make yer walk the plank!" Alfred smacked his face with the palm of his hand and sighed into it, not daring to look up as she giggled.

_So not cool, dude!_ Alfred thought, sending a mental hate-wave at the Brit.

"If you can get him inside, I'm fine with that." He agreed and she tossed him her helmet.

"Watch this, Alfred Jones!" she said confidently, and she sat down on the bike seat, crossing one leg over the other.

"Captain?" she called, looking up at Arthur as he turned his attention down to her. "Can we get out of this rain? I don't like it…" She batted her lashes expertly and Arthur laughed broadly, plunking down on the bike seat beside her and pulling her close.

"We can get ye outta these clothes as well, love," he growled, waggling his eyebrows at her. "Where are ye laying rest?"

"Off the starboard bow, in that wee little hovel there." She waved a hand at her home and Alfred realized that she was playing into Arthur's drunken fantasy while also twisting it to get him where she wanted. "Care te rest yer head with me, Captain Kirkland?" Her eyelashes were batting faster than Alfred could have thought possible and, to his surprise, her fingers danced along Arthur's collar enticingly until she could pull him along by it.

"Yer a siren, y'are…" Arhtur murmured, suddenly wrapping both arms around her and dipping her low, kissing her hungrily. Alfred jumped, giving a strangled yell, and they parted with a gasp and string of saliva between them. Arthur's hands held her body close to him, but hse managed to worm away and hurry up the steps. "Ye vixen!"

"Be that as it may, Captain, I must decline yer offer." She told him cheekily, grinning, "Now come in outta this blasted rain!" Arthur grinned wickedly and, shooting Alfred a pleading look, the woman disappeared into her building with both men hot on her heels.

_Oh, she's good!_ Alfred thought, catching up to Arthur before he could come onto her again. _**Very**__ good!_


End file.
